Tuesday, July 20, 2010

An Update

Not that I have any readers really yet. But I just read a new blog a friend started, and it inspired me to write in here again.

I've been in a real slump lately. Not physically, or anything like that. Been excercising, eating well, drinking water almost esclusively. Since April, I've dropped nearly 20 pounds. My crafting is also going well. That should make me happy. Right?

Well, my slump is a mental/mood one. I'm putting up a good front I guess, pulling through what I need to do with a smile and such. But I'm down, and I can't entirely decide on which reason it is this time. There's usally some underlying cause.

It could be that I don't drive yet, but that is something I plan to remedy this next month or at least start on the path.
It would help, I think. To be able to just grab the keys and go someplace a little further than my two feet are capable of taking me. Which is fairly far when I set my mind to it, but not places I need to get to.

I'm nearly 30, two kids. I want another one. My husband isn't so sure, but I'm hoping to convince him.

Things are going alright between us, but we live two different lives sometimes. I am home, alone all day with the kids, while he works. He doesn't get that I just need someone to relate to and talk to at the end of the day, which can be frustrating I think to usd both. He just wants to relax, and I'm just looking for a friend or a 'peer'.

I'm socially awkward often enough on a regular basis. I always feel paranoid that I don't really belong whenever I am with friends. Now that I don't have co-workers and only limited friends to socialize with, things are becoming more noticeable to me. My anxieties and compulsions are still kept at bay, but it's a conscious effort now rather than unconscious.

My boys. I love them so. It's tough having kids though, right now I'm worried for their own social skills. We only know two people with kids their age or thereabouts, and we rarely see eachother due to schedules and such. SO my boys have no playmates. I feel like a bad mother because I have no one to do playdates with.
I did try. There's a playground down the street, when the weather isn't too hot, it's a 15-20 minute walk so we did it often in the Spring.
I can't relate to those women and men. Almost everyone is always talking custody battles, court dates,fights, or are smoking and chatting on a cell phone while helping their little one down a slide or pushing a swing. One dad, on two or three occasions let his two boys play while he sat out in his car, blaring music and not really even looking their way.

How am I suppossed to make new friends when this is what I see? I'm not trying to talk down to anyone. Or look down my nose. But.......I can't even get into talking to you if I can't stand your parenting skills.

Most of my friends have sworn off having children. I don't know how I managed to find so many who don't. It's not their problem that I want friends for my kids of course. It just makes this that much tougher. My parents spaced their kids out too, so that also makes finding playmates in future nieces and nephews unlikely.

I just feel they are missing out on something, and I'm not sure what else to do about it. Maybe when I drive we can find something, someway. I'm trying to find Justin a preschool for fall and my husband has been little to no help, even though there's a daycare right by his office, 2.5 miles from the house.

So yeah, that's all weighing on me right now, among other things. I just feel a little bit lost and out of place. Lonely for someone to go to parks with the kids with, to compare and share stories of the funny things kids do. Lonely for someone to just go out with me, hang out with me. Be a friend, confidant. I'd give them all of that right back too. I'm not saying I don't have friends. Not a bit, and I love the ones I have. I just see them only so often, and it's not enough I think.

Sigh. Why is this so hard once school is done? I want to cry, but I'm old enough to wonder if it's just silly and I know it won't do a bit of good.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Clearing up again...

It rained Monday night and kept right on going through Tuesday. Woke up to the sun today but it's clouding up again on and off. Justin asked me "Mommy is it raining?" I said "Nope."
"Is it sunny?"
"Yeah kind of."
"Can we go to the playground then?"

Lol, of course he remembered what I said about how we couldn't go until the sun came out! Today isn;t rainy but it's chilly and windy, and with all the rain yesterday, much of the playground will be wet and muddy. Hard to explain that to a 3 1/2 year old though...

In other news, got new ink Saturday with my sister. It came out great, but healing it has been a mild inconvenience. The bonding experience was worth it though. It is a celtic Tree of Life, with curly knotwork and green leaves. I had to make the leaves green, I wanted the life idea to shine through. In honor of my family, and in honor of spring!

In crafting news, I have yarn for a sweater but can't seem to get started. I am getting hung up on picking a design. Recently finished are a pair of amigurumi dragon babies, a headscarf, and a baby blanket, though I need to weave in the ends on that. Still counting it though! I also need to get a blanket done as a surprise for my brother, but it's daunting. Tedious.

Trying to organize another craft night for my friends soon, and am so looking forward to the Rhode Island Fiber Festival. Missed it last year, and this is it's fourth year so it's going to be new and exciting.

Hmmn......what else? I want to work on getting the office/craft space tidied up and organized, but currently there is a sink and vanity in there thwarting my intentions. Hopefully someday soon Will gets done what he needs to so he and Bill can finish the bathroom up and give me that space back! That's all for now.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Come on Spring!

Ok, it's getting warmer out, light jackets instead of winter coats, and sadly soon I will have to put away my pretty clapochet scarf, and the one a friend knitted me.

But..........sunlight.......warmth, irises and other bulbous plants rising out from the ground, pushing life and green things to the surface!

The boys and I have already been to the playground down the street, it says town residents only, but we are literally a stones throw from the town line. So.......we hop the fence darn it!

Anyhow, not a lot going on, finished my first garments that aren't hats or slippers. Two, nearly three baby sweaters are now complete and I find them really fun. I'm gearing up to tackle my first sweater in my size, so wish me luck.
Once I do that, I want to work on knitting. I'm desperate to learn but for some reason it just seems to daunting. Maybe only using one stick/hook has spoiled me, but I plan to break the stigma and go on. I had a recent encouragement from a male knitter who is having a shawl giveaway, saying I should give the pattern a try, that he was new to knitting and it wasn't too tricky. I am going to give it a try after the sweater!

I can do it. I have a vision of a happy robin egg blue or darker shawl.

I also am taking my little sister to get her first tattoo next weekend. I'm getting one too, my second ever. I am planning on something special, a drawing I found online and modified it.

Another thing I want to work on isn't craft related. I need my liscence. I'm way past the age you can get one, so I need to buck up and go for it too. My firstborn was recently taken by ambulance to the ER from our doctor and it's situations like that which are inspiring to do it. (He's fine, thankfully was just having troubloe breating and has pretty much been disagnosed with asthma, just like mommy......woohoo).

So, on to spring, season of life, cleaning, and getting things all around in order.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

It came in!!!!!!

Just wanted to update, finally got my yarn swift today! After trying my hand at winding a skein of Knit Picks Gloss lace weight, and coming out nearly four hours later with both yarn ball and my sanity barely intact, I decided I needed one!

I have a bunch of skeins and hanks of yarn that I cannot wait to make into balls so they are easier to work with. It was a gift from my husband for Christmas, well the gift card was anyhow!

I am so excited that in a couple of weeks we will be going away on a cruise. We never really had an official honeymoon. Now is sort of the time, though our friends are getting married on the boat, which is why we are going. I won't forget that, but it should be fun. Very nervous to be leaving the boys for that time though, which is throwing a big shadow over my excitement. Sigh. I wish I wasn't such a worry wart, but it really can't be helped.

Anyhow, off to figure out how to set it up!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Happy 2010

Alright, one of my resolutions will be to post here monthly or at least bi monthly!

Been working on a lot of projects and things. Finished a queen size blanket for my husband, a Link toy for a friend, and need to work on some other things! I am still only in the beginning stages of knitting, but that's another resolution. :)

I gained almost 4 lbs over the holidays, but as of today I am down three of them, so right back on track. My goal is another 10-15 by summer, I already feel better, look better, and can keep up with the kids better!

There's an adorable stray cat that wants to come into my house and be mine, but he's got a flea collar on, so he belongs to someone. Hopefully it's someone who wants him and will respond to my found cat ads. Because I'm not really able to keep him, especially because he appears intact, and I have an intact female. Last thing I need is kittens!