Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Thoughts dancing on the sunlight.

A few months ago, I saw her picture on a friend's facebook page. Little girl, five years old. Her eyes were so blue, so happy. Her hair was spun from dark blonde sunshine. It was her birthday if I remember right. Everything about her seemed to radiate love and sweetness, and I had never met her. Leah.
I went to school with her aunt, and we weren't close or anything, but when pictures come up on my newsfeed, especially of other people's kids, I look and smile. I post pictures of my own little boys. I went about my business, as we often do.

Then, I heard the news. Soon after her birthday, she started feeling ill, had headaches. She went to the doctor and they mentioned it. The little girl wasn't acting right. The doctor was concerned, and ordered tests.
No one wanted to hear the news, one of the worst words anyone can utter, especially when it comes to a child. Cancer. Brain tumor.
When I heard about it, immediately my heart sank to my toes. There is hope for recovery, there always is. But even so, to imagine everything that precious little girl had to go through broke my heart. I watched my own boys run and play, and sent all the love I could from where I was. What her parents had to be feeling was simply......unimaginable.

They started treatments pretty quickly, the best doctors in the area. She started to improve. Hope swelled. But........cancer is a demon and an unpredictable one at that. Roller coaster rides ensued, ups and downs. She lost her hair from the treatments, grew pale and thin. But she still fought, was still brave. People who didn't even know her learned of her story, came to the fundraisers held for her. Bought little bracelets with her name on it to support her care. People supported the family too, making meals, keeping an eye on her brother, offering comfort when and however they could. But what can you do, what can you say? No parent should ever have to go through this, no child. You just wish for things to be ok, even if you worry that they can't be, and never will be again. I scoured facebook daily for updates, each time hoping for good news.

Recently, things took a turn for the worst. Everything they did just wasn't helping. I can't imagine how that must have felt.
Her new diagnosis was something very few people managed to survive. I cannot remember the exact name, and cannot find it, or else I'd share. I've suddenly misplaced my heart,it's dropped so low.

I've still been reading everyday. Hoping to hear good things. But, today....

Today at about 4:30 AM, Leah gave up her fight with cancer and passed away, with her mom and dad by her side. Even more of her family had been around earlier in the evening, hugs and kisses, I love you's. She died knowing hopefully just how many people loved her. I don't even know what to say, or how to say it right now. I barely knew anything about her, and my heart was touched. Her parents and brother, my heart goes out to them today. There are no words that can express how sorry I am for their loss. I look at my boys and wonder how I'd ever be able to go through such a thing. I hug them a little tighter.

How unfair life is sometimes, to take a beautiful soul away. To have it be a child so young. I know she's not in pain now, not weak, not sick. That's a comfort I guess. I'll keep the family in my thoughts, my heart, my silent prayers. Today is a difficult day, and it will be a long time before they will be anything less than that.

Leah, wherever you are, if there really is a place you go to after life here, I hope you are there in the clouds, dancing on the sunlight, blue eyes shining, wearing the brightest pink ballerina costume ever created. We all love you down here, kid.